Tim Marks new book is one of the most talked about new releases in LIFE Leadership. There are so many examples of wisdom and encouragement that Orrin Woodward said it was one of his favorite reads of the year. Even if you hate to read, this book is worth reading. Here is another segment from Tim in his book.
Hey gang! Here is another excerpt from my new book, Confidence of a Champion, released through LIFE Leadership. One of the most powerful tools in your success journey is the ability to connect with people and strike up a conversation successfully. Here, I share 8 rapid-fire tips to make that happen!
God Bless, Tim
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With the goal of helping you kick-start your progress towards meeting new people and creating new and amazing relationships, here are some tactics you can apply today to take action and get the ball rolling:
- Think “I Like You” in Your Head First. People can tell if you have warmed up to them and if you are feeling friendly towards them. If you are arrogant or stuck up, good luck on making new friends. Who would want to be around you?! And, who would want to stare up your nose at you while you are staring down your nose at them? (Especially if you haven’t trimmed the old nose hairs lately and you need a hedge trimmer to clear out the forest growing in there!) So, when you look at people, literally think the words to yourself, “I like you”. Your whole spirit towards this person will change, particularly if we are Christians and see the other person as God’s creation and want to bring a little joy into their day. (If the other person is grumpy, all the more reason. Remember, hurting people hurt people.)
- Believe the Other Person Will Like YOU! Les Giblin talks about this in his great book, How to Have Power and Confidence in Dealing with People. Assume they are warm and friendly and will respond in a positive way. So much of success is expectation! If you expect the conversation will go well, you’re halfway there. Will people always respond positively? Nope. But you sure can tip the scales in your favor by having an expectant mindset. If you’ve faced a cold shoulder before, don’t let a couple of bad experiences shape your whole view of meeting new friends!
- Be Cool. Don’t come across as too anxious, over-eager or desperate, or you will make them feel uncomfortable. (It helps if you aren’t actually feeling anxious or desperate to begin with.) If you’re eying someone like a piece of meat or a meal ticket, they’ll immediately sense that you have an ulterior motive and it will get weird really fast. Don’t come on too strong or too fast. Take it slow and easy. If you’re overeager, you’ll scare them away. A good way of visualizing this is to imagine feeding pigeons in the park. Pigeons want bread crumbs. However, if you run into the park waiving your arms and screaming, those pigeons will fly away in fear, even if they were starving! If we play it cool and take a sincere interest in others, we’ll have greater success in attracting them.
- Take a Chance! A great leader in our business community really pioneered this hrase a while ago. Take a chance! All of life involves a little risk, and that includes making new friends. The great thing about chances is that they can pay off huge rewards! Take a chance on the stranger next to you. Make the first move. Be bold. Have a backbone. Stand tall. Pursue victory. Refuse to give in to fear! Resolve to be a person of courage and character. Take control of the fearful little voice that is whimpering inside you, making excuses why you shouldn’t try to say hi. Squish that voice like a bug under your heel and take a chance!
- Play “Smiling Chicken”. It takes some effort just to make eye contact and smile, and then say “Hi!” When I first started doing this I thought my face would crack! It’s not normal for a choleric (a personality type which is hard driving and dominant ) or for an engineer to smile and “be nice”, and I still need to work at it today. In fact, to practice this I used to literally drive down the road and “smile talk” to myself in my rear-view mirror before speaking engagements. (It might sound crazy, but it looks even worse, particularly to passerby!) Although these might sound like pretty simple steps, it can feel overwhelming. Just look right at their face and let your face break into a big friendly smile. Smiling breaks the ice and opens the door to getting them to say “hi” back at you! Smiling tells people you are friendly, positive, and you are approachable, and these are all attractive qualities. If you are not used to doing this, you might want to try a fun game called “Smiling Chicken!” You’ve all heard of the game “Chicken”. With that game, you are driving your car towards your competitor at full-speed, and whoever flinches first and turns the car off of the road is declared the “loser”. (This is obviously a terribly dangerous game that I absolutely do not condone; I’m simply offering an illustration.) Now, here is “Smiling Chicken” game. The game goes like this: as you are approaching a stranger, your goal is to catch their eye, break out in a smile, and inspire them to smile back at you! Try doing this to ten strangers and see how many people you can get to smile… it can become a lot of fun!
Posted by OrrinWoodward
at 8:24 AM EDT
Updated: Friday, August 2, 2013 8:32 AM EDT
