Dan Hawkins has become one of the top leaders because he is one of the top students. For instance, he set a goal to develop his writing skills for when he writes his first book and the rapid improvement is impressive. Dan has followed Orrin Woodward and Chris Brady's philosophy that hunger makes the difference. Because Dan is hungry, his skills and results continue to progress. Dan's article below shares the proper respect one ought to show to the words one uses. Unfortunately, few people understand or follow this principle; however, top leaders will never become top leaders or have large communities if this principle is violated. In fact, when people speak ill of others, it's typically the gossiper that has the real problem.
Do you use your words for good or evil? Do you even realize you have that power? One of the key principles we teach in the LIFE business and the Team training system is the power of your words to uplift those around you. We can choose to lift up or tear down people we interact with, but we must consciously choose daily.
It saddens me to even write this article, but anyone who becomes aware of this problem can begin to help solve it. We have all been in a situation where words were used like a sword in battle, cutting someone to the bone and causing a great deal of pain. Why does it seem that when we find ourselves in a verbal conflict, we so often reach for the weapon of harsh words that hurt instead of grabbing uplifting words that heal?
We all suffer from the same human affliction, the tendency toward sin. It seems we tend to judge others by their actions, but only judge ourselves by our intentions. It amazes me to see the amount of gossip and slander taking place online today. People seem to think it is their “duty” to share their perspective on a topic; however, words that are filled with gossip and slander are less about truth and more about revenge or blame!
I recently grabbed a book off of my shelf that I decided to reread because of the impact it had on me. The Weight of Your Words by Joseph M. Stowell is a powerful book to help us understand our tendencies toward using hurtful words and why others choose this destructive path. Once your thoughts become words that you express either in verbal or written form, they become irretrievable.
A young man once asked a monk, “I’ve sinned by telling slanderous tales about someone. What should I do?” The monk replied, “Put a feather on every doorstep in town.” The young man did just that. He then returned to the monk, wondering if there was anything else he should do. “Go back and pick up all those feathers,” the monk told him. The young man replied excitedly, “That’s impossible! By now the wind will have blown them all over town!” Said the monk, “So have your slanderous words become impossible to retrieve.”
In my experience, if someone is constantly using gossip and slander as a weapon, the problem lies more with that person rather than the person being attacked! Just the other day, I was reading an article in which the authors were attacking others for their character, business, friends, and so on. I started to notice that they thought everything bad that happened to them was someone else’s fault! Now, the only way for that to be true is if these people were claiming to be perfect or without fault. Anyone with any common sense will realize within a matter of minutes that something is very wrong with this picture.
Let me explain. There is not a single rational person who would believe any problem is totally one-sided. A normal disagreement always has two sides with the truth usually hanging out somewhere in between the two; no side is without fault.
So why would someone attack verbally, spreading rumors and unjustified criticism that can destroy others? Joseph M. Stowell explains what he calls “the self-centered six,” six reasons people fall into this trap:
- Curiosity – Some people travel down this road just because they are curious. We all know curiosity killed the cat!
In and of itself, curiosity is a good thing; it is why science grows, inventors invent, and theologians gain understanding. But we also need to be discerning about where our curiosity leads us. - Idleness – In the Bible, Paul explains that people with time on their hands may be prone to malicious speech. People who are constructively involved with their own responsibilities have little time to be nosy about the responsibilities of others.
- Desire to be the center of attention – Gossip and slander tend to draw the attention of others, like an accident on the side of the road that everyone slows down to gawk at. Some people love to be the center of attention so much that they will risk the reputation of others just to be noticed.
- The opportunity to elevate ourselves over others – So many live by the theory that it is easier to tear others down than it is to build themselves up. The story is told that if you put one crab in a bucket, you need a lid or it will crawl out; however, if you put two crabs in a bucket, no top is needed. Every time one crab begins to crawl out, the other crab pulls him back in. Sadly, some people live the same way.
- Bitterness – Selfishly withholding forgiveness opens the door to a vengeful spirit, and slander is the tool of revenge.
- It soothes our own anxieties – Misery still loves company. When a person chooses to lose in life, he wants others to lose as well; that way, they can blame others for their problems together.
Scripture is very clear in its denouncements of slander: “Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother, or judges his brother, speaks against the law, and judges the law: but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law, but a judge of it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judges your neighbor?” (James 4:11-12, NASB)
I hope this article hits you like the book hit me—like a ton of bricks. We have been given the gift of encouragement and love. Let us begin to work together to watch our words and be a light in a dark world.
Find someone to forgive, someone to uplift, and someone to encourage. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Catch your thoughts before they become words that are as impossible to retrieve as feathers in the wind. Guard your heart from bitterness, and beware of those who are bitter; for remember, misery loves company!
God bless,
